Last night...What?

Well, fuck me sideways, I can't believe I'm still alive. Not after last night. Fucking head hurts and I can barely keep my eyes open. Now my whole body hurts like a motherfucker. Seriously, what happened? Last thing I remember...Ow, it's coming back to me...Little by little, throught that alcohol drenched mist that clouds my brain...There I was, at the parade we have every year, to show off how awesome our college is. I remember talking to "my people", walking and drinking, talking to this girl, drinking, meeting this chick, walking, singing college themes, drinking, "what do you mean there's no more martini?", walking, talking to that girl - "fill my cup now, I'm thirsty.", drinking, "it's hot today, hu?", finish the martini bottle I stole from God knows who, "bro, I need beer. Gimme two, it's hot today.", sit in a corner, "hurry up!" and finish the beer in a heartbeat. Fuck this shit, I'm going home. "Hello there, pretty thing. Would you happen to have...Beer?...Why, thank you, angel. Oh, one more...It's...For my friend." I walk for the longest, most slippery 4kms of my life, only to reach my door...But,wait..."Fucking stairs, don't iue knowe aaaaaaaaiiiiiii aam dr...dr...drunke? Fuck you!". Two steps up is all it takes for my ass to fall on the ground and take me with it. After, what, 3 minutes? Yeah, after 3 minutes, I finally get up, get inside (dunno how I managed to open the doors), take all of my clothes off, but leave the tie on - fuck the haters, ties are god level clothing - and go to sleep. 13 hours later, I get up with this massive headache and write my "adventures". Would I do it again? Fuck yeah, only this time around I'd have that pretty little angel...Help me get home safely...